just caught myself up on Yellowstone

as much as I appreciate the desire to preserve legacy, its not lost on me that in the Dutton’s desire to preserve their legacy, Indigenous People had to suffer for it

Indigenous People of the country I live in, were shamed and judged and vilified by immigrants from Europe. England to be specific.

Don’t get me wrong. I am proud to be an American and I am grateful for my ancestors and my founding fathers to fight against an oligarchy that was ruled completely by one person who I can only assume was drunk with the knowledge of being appointed by God.

Indigenous People of my America were judged and thought of as savage. We know now how false that perception was. I know now how fucked up the actions of my ancestors were.

I was sobbing from shame and guilt that this land was taken from the Indigenous People. And not only was it taken, we forced their young people to assimilate. We built schools to assimilate them under the premise of a more “civilized” and “better” life. And we beat it into them. To the extent that those young people forgot how to speak the language that was native to them.

We fucking almost wiped out their culture. And, I haven’t done my research, but there may even be tribes that have been totally wiped out and forgotten.

Hell, we even used their language as a means to code our intentions during war.

It makes me sick to my stomach. I am ashamed.

And, right now, that shame is magnified by the actions of our current president.

I believe President Trump epitomizes the unintended result of our forefathers. He is testing the resolve of the American people and the fortitude of our Constitution.

To me, he is the embodiment of the shit that is happening on a fictional show like Yellowstone. The current American delusion of what it means to be civilized and strong and free and formidable. To make America great again, right?

We are already pretty fucking great. And as fucked up as it may seem, by Donald Trump being elected president is the fucking perfect demonstration of our democracy.

I did not vote for Trump. I voted for Harris. I did not want the uncertainty that Trump would bring. He plays outside the norms of what I understood what it meant to preside over the United States. It scared me.

I have come to see that maybe what I needed was to be scared. To have my perception and fundamentally blind belief in our government questioned.

As scary and uncertain things are right now, my resolve in being American has never been more certain. I know what I want for my country. I know what I want as an American of the United States.

President Trump is making me question everything. And that doubt and fear and uncertainty can only produce growth and enlightenment.

Believe me. I do not like the idea of giving Trump credit. Especially for something he didn’t intend. I’m pretty sure he didn’t intend my faith in democracy. I’m pretty sure he didn’t intend for me to reevaluate what the American Dream is. I’m pretty sure he didn’t intend to make me question our Constitution and reevaluate my freedom.

In a sense, he is a representation of what I believe Christopher Columbus did. And by that, I mean an opportunity to conquer and oppress no matter the humanitarian cost. Because isn’t that what freedom is? The ability to conquer and oppress?

I started reading a book “Freedom’s Dominion” by Jefferson Cowie. I haven’t finished reading it but the little that I did read completely skewed my idea of freedom.

Actually, “skewed” isn’t the right word. More like it opened the aperture of what I perceived my definition of freedom to be.

My definition of freedom was idealistic. And after reading a fraction of this book, I realized that freedom has a dark side. And that scared the shit out of me.

What I’m looking for now is the place of balance between idealistic freedom and the dark side of freedom.